Beloved Congregants,

• On April 8, markets crashed.

• On April 9, billionaires rose.

• And lo, it was declared a Blessed Day™.

While fear choked the indexes, tariffs loomed like thunderclouds, and Main Street clutched its pearls, our most devout financial saints found the algorithm faithful.

Their portfolios did not weep. 🚫😰

They soared!!! 💸

⏳ A Brief Lesson in Time Theology

• Let's consider $1 = 1 second (💵 = ⏱️)

• $1 million = 1 million seconds = 11.5 days (👶🏻)

• $1 billion = 1 billion seconds = 31.7 years (👨🏻)

We repeat:

A billion is not just “a lot.”

It is 3 decades of your life. 👶🏻🧒🏻🙆🏻‍♂️

And on April 9, that’s what some earned—in a single blessed blink.

Roger Penske

• 📈 $900 million in one day.

• That’s 28.5 years of seconds.

• He effectively retired four times while watching cars turn left.

Charles Schwab

• 📈 Estimated net worth: $12.6 billion

• That’s over 400 years of seconds.

• Older than Shakespeare. Older than democracy. Older than your optimism.

• 💸 April 9 gain: $2.5 billion

• That’s the equivalent of 80 years of seconds 👨🏻‍🦳 —or nearly an entire lifetime earned between breakfast and market close.

🗣️ 🏁 On a recent anointed afternoon at The Tithe House, the President delivered a blessed briefing to our nation’s top NASCAR talent—sharing the good word of Schwab's miraculous billion-dollar returns, divine market rebounds, and the sacred speed at which the faithful accelerate toward economic ascension.

“He made two and a half billion today! It’s not just a company, it’s actually an individual.”

🙏 Say less. That’s Commandment 1 fulfillment in real-time.

Global Billionaires

🌎 On April 9 alone, they made $304 billion.

• That’s 9,630 years in seconds.

• Wealth older than agriculture 🌾.

• More ancient than the wheel 🪨.

• Earned before your coffee ☕️ got cold.

🧮 Prosperity Gospel Math

This is not inequality. This is efficiency by divine design. When collapse comes, it does not come for all. Some will be lifted. And those some are “the market.” Let us rejoice! 🎶

And some, dear flock, are the blessed few who hoard, grow, distract, and deny, just as The 9 Commandments instruct.

“Thou shalt hoard wealth and call it freedom.” 🇺🇸 💸📈

So remember: When the system panics, when the tariffs hit, when the fear index breaks the meter...That’s when the faithful cash in. This is Collapse Capitalism, and it is right on schedule.

• 📉 April 8: Panic

• 📈 April 9: Profit

• 🧾 Today: Take notes

Because if you’re still measuring in dollars, you’ve already lost.

You must measure in seconds, in silence, and in sacrifice.

And most importantly, in Divine Return™.

The end is in the air.

And it smells like Clubhouse Cobb salad and the burnt edges of democracy.

Amen. 🙏

Counting to Collapse

Are your little lambs ready to learn divine math? 🙌✨

In this blessed lesson plan, we’ll teach the rising generation how to count, tithe, and trust the invisible hand of the market—all before snack time! Get the lesson plan today, and help your up-and-coming billionaire elites follow the narrow spreadsheet to salvation.